all these things that i've done.

at the club tonight
reggae, our favorite.
a month ago
a year ago
two years ago
we wouldn't have just happened to
run in to each other there
by chance you would have
called me at 5 pm with this evening's
game plan and we would have left
and made a grand entrance together.

and tonight,
the music was jookin
as usual and me and the girls
were wylin
[especially me. you know how i do]
and we were dancing in the same circle
through association but not
dancing together.

and it was crazy because
one of "our songs" would come on
we'd both go crazy
start doing the moves that we made up
a billion years ago in your room
and we'd share a smile
for half a second and then we'd remember
that we aren't friends anymore. so we stopped
dancing
looked down and felt awkward.

and we all left that same time
because we run the same circle of friends but
before we all departed hugs were
distributed and hopes of safe travels
back home were given out except you
and i walked past each other
as if two months ago you weren't planning
to bless the food at my thanksgiving table
as if i didn't cradle your head in my lap
in the backseat of a car while you
were damn near dead
as if we completely forgot
that we used to be all each other needed.

it's taken me this long to admit it
but now that i get it
i realize that
no matter
what you do
i'll always
always care about you.
and tonight there were so many things
i wanted to tell you and you were
2 feet away from me but
we let 2 other people
get between
what used to be.


damn, bighead.
i miss you.