lost and found.

so
i feel like the past 24 or so hours
have been a more or less summation
of my semester. thus far.

and
i'd be lying if i said that
i'm not upset and i'd be lying
if i said that i don't care and i'd
really really be lying if i said
that i don't care about him because.
i do. and i do. and i really do.
but sometimes
you lose a battle.

and
tonight with the girls
over dinner
talking and reminiscing and being around
the people who know me
best and i don't have to
put on a face for, well.
that's rare. and for everytime
that i get my feelings hurt,
get upset,
or lose a battle,
i know that i can always find a home
in the hearts of my four best friends.


and with all of that being said,
and with all of this madness
swirling around me --


--i'm still
the luckiest girl in the world.

insomnia, #1

i guess since i slept for mad long today and since today was fairly hellish, i was restless around 1 am and decided to harass christine. she and i started talking about different subjects and then jeannette walked in. the three of us proceeded to guess where each other would grow up to live and what type of man we could see each other marrying.

• christine = white man named pete, from san francisco, fairly chill but REALLY funny and enthusiastic. they'd have to live in new york because christine isnt living anywhere else.
  
• jeannette = some halfsie or some weird hybrid of raciality named Birk [not his real name, but he changed it bc it sounds more eco-friendly]. they would have two kids, clover and sky, and live in a treehouse.
• me = the girls deduced that i would marry someone who would completely zone out on sundays during 'game days' and it would piss me off but i'd love him so i'd get over it. also, they decided this man has to be mad chill to balance out my....me-ness. and he'd have to be fairly comfortable with the fact that i'll probably be a crazy paid badass.

so this discussion went on for awhile then aba happened to wake up and joined in the convo. we started talking about organ donations, jonbenet ramsey, ghana, allergy shots, brooklyn, and everything in between. the white girl who lives between christine and i beat on the wall and yelled SHUT UP and i almost got up and handled her but i regained composure.

anyway, this went on for awhile but then we all got sleepy and christine kicked us out. this is what we do on the 11th floor.