9 / 30 : beautiful.

i'm squatting here waiting for a vandy van. just finished a paper in the commons since i cant write in my room and i was helping jess unbraid her hair/provide comic relief. anyway, yeah.

beautiful

every time you see me you tell me i look

beautiful

and i can't help but blush and say

thank you

i'm usually quick with a witty retort

or i have

some smart ass comment to dispel but

you look at me like

you really believe that i looked

beautiful

last night

i've been given many compliments in my life

from many men at

various occasions but

the sincerity in your smile and

the way your eyes met mine

it was thirty four degrees outside

and it's been 20 degrees inside my heart

for awhile now but you've come along like

an early spring

thawing me out and bringing color to my days

making everything

and me

seem

beautiful

again

russian lullaby.

it's my half birthday. oh yessssss!

and i start school [summer @ uc] in the morning.

and im soooo chi-city in less than a month.

and my best friend will be soooo cin cin nasti in a month.

summer is about to get good. starting today

and what better way to usher it in than with a complimentary poem?

russian lullaby.

that's the name of my favorite

john coltrane song because it literally

lulls me to sleep, eyelids heavy

the cares and concerns of the world tucked

under my pillow until i wake

and right now the song

is playing but i'm wide awake

sitting up in my bed, texting

you and smiling inside when i hear

the ringtone back because

how could i possibly sleep

when you are on my mind

and i know i've gotten it so wrong

so many times this year

that i could be a jaded angry bitch

giving you the third degree

and on a questioning rampage but

i learned from my mistakes and

heartaches and i now know

that rushing in head first doesn't work

it's best to take it slow

and it's nothing but a crush

but i feel debilitated like i have got

to know everything about you

the reason behind that smile and

your favorite things to do on weekends

and the type of music you work out to

and. everything.

i'm trying to fall asleep

but you've got coltrane beat

F.I.L.A.

in atlantaaaaaa. amazingness to the utmost extremest powerrrrr.

F.I.L.A.

we memphians have been raised

to hate on atlanta

out of principle

no real reason of merit

and i had never been

due to that fact until

my twenty first year

and now that i'm here im

in love with the sprawling city

with the district im in

with its quirky stores and

mom and pop coffee shops

with hipsters and gangsters

intermingling on the same curb

waiting for the crosswalk to suggest

that they walk across the street

together

and despite the marta madness

and the other glaring flaws something

makes this city larger than life

i know how long i'm going

to stay

but how long will

other obligations keep me away?

4 / 30 : kongratulations.

i'm running a little late but i have a good excuse.

my good friends nate and jeremy kame out as men of kappa alpha psi today. i kouldnt be any prouder of them and their akkomplishments!!!!!!!!!!

peep nate's blog, as usual, here. he might have something special written today :)

kongratulations

i woke up at 11

walked the bride across 21st

paid 23 dollars for a hat

definitely dropped over 100, easy

spent 2 hours making signs

running on 3 hours of sleep

almost suffocated myself with a number 5 balloon

and drew approximately 1911 diamonds today.

i am exhausted.

but to see my boys

show the whole world

that they are men of achievement

and men of good kharacter

brought tears to my eyes

and made every last cent

and ever last second

worth it

kongrats, nate and jeremy.

somebody.

sometimes i wish

that i could meet

that somebody

who would save me

take me away

from this place 

and lead me 

to happiness.

wherever that may be.

and then i wake up

from delusion and

i realize that the only

person who can

get me to where

i want to be 

is me.

and i know

i don't believe in

a man turned messiah

to take me in his arms

wipe my problems

and my tears away

and every man

i have ever met has

let me fall

let me slip

let me down

at some point or another

so somebody,

whomever you are,

wherever you might be

if you're out there

take your time.

i'm still working on

me

21 on the 22nd.

it's 12:22 am
on 12.22.08
and i'm
officially
21.

the only thing
really left to do
is get on my knees
and say
amen