to fly, to fly.

we are
in this together but separate and
this road is long and the
journey is too so i'm glad i
have a traveling partner to
share stories with and listen
to shitty country songs to

we're driving but we
aspire to sprout wings and fly
but
even if i stay grounded
for the rest of my life, to see
you take off and
soar
would be incredible

rekonnektion.

i woke up today like it was khristmas
and then i felt sick to the stomach
because i forgot that while things arent bad
they arent exactly right either.

we used to talk about this day
with krazy excitement and anticipation
and while i was making my sign i kouldnt help
but wonder if you'd even appreciate it.

but by the end of the night
after your sons had krossed we
presented you with the big sign
2.5 by 1 ft squared of love
to my surprise you smiled
and beamed and hugged like
it was khristmas.

and it was then i got it
things change
neos become prophytes
prophytes become oldheads
i've become Me
and you've become You
and even though we kant
be who we used to be
perhaps
we kan turn something old into
something new

the inevitable awkward class discussion on race.

so yesterday in my political science class, we resumed discussion on 'the race question.' race is one of my favorite topics, for a variety of reasons, but i knew that i couldn't say anything today because "they" would expect me too. professor mcdaniel asked question after question about dubois, BTW, garvey, X, mlk, carmichael, leaders that i am extremely well versed in and could speak volumes of. but everytime his questions drew a pregnant pause, i saw heads turn in linden and my direction, expecting us to be the little black ambassadors on race. i played stupid and looked at the ceiling. i think linden looked at the wall. either way, we were not going to entertain these white people and be walking talking negro encyclopedias for a day, only to ignore our presence the next class period.
this discussion usually turns up once in a semester, and i'm usually more embarrassed but yesterday i was angry and i wanted to throw the souls of black folk down and walk the hell out but that's probably blasphemous. WEB is my boy, after all.

feelin it

some point today, i dont even remember when, i got a glimpse of myself in a window and i was like, damn.
and im not just being funny or conceited because any one who really knows me knows that im mean self conscious but. today i looked at my reflection and i saw a beautiful, put together, chocolate woman who looked mean confident. it was crazy. it was like.. i cant describe it.
and i know that sounds really random and not a big deal but lately, i know i've been my worst critique. and i know i've been beating myself up and letting others get the best of me but for that moment, i walked across the sarratt promenade and you couldn't tell me nothin. i was feelin it.

defying defiance.

they say good girls wanna get down with the gangsters

i've lived my life trying to defy the stereotype
and stay away from dudes like you

but right now
i don't want to be
an exception to this rule

what hurts the most.

what hurts the most
after being so close
is that in my heart i know
things will never be the same again.

and right now we can talk
and smile and say hello
be cordial and exchange niceties
but it's not good enough.

i want you to be happy
no matter what and you seem
to feel this way with her so
i'm happy for you.

but the fact you can't make
room for two women in your life
that love you differently, but
love you all the same -

i'm tired of writing about you.
i want to delete this post.
the fact that i still give a damn,
i guess. that's what hurts the most.

vsdub.

1 lebanese dude from boston
1 blonde white boy from ohio
1 dominican dude from brooklyn
1 freckled black bruh from chattanooga
1 half haitian girl from cincinnati
1 night out of the busiest week in
1 room of the bcc basement taking
1 turn at a time spitting poetry and
1 by 1 we're turning ideas into magic and
1 day soon we'll speak and they'll listen.