lately.

"he makes me feel so good/

better than i would by myself/

or if i were with somebody else"

-paraphrased from T-Pain's "Can't Believe It"

Lord give me the strength to

look past those who lied to my face

forgive those who failed me

pretend to ignore their hurtful comments

save myself from their devilish ways

distance myself from those who don't matter

love myself really and truly above all others

and Lord, if You can,

let me be open to the blessing

of new people wanting to be in my life

especially him, sleeping peacefully,

as if we've known each other

for all time

reading in the dark.

i said i could do 18 hours

and theoretically i can

if all i do is grind grind grind

eyes wide open

mouth wide shut

but i never intended

so early on in this round

to have been knocked down

by so many people

so many times

i'm up early trying to finish this book

that needs to be done by 1

which is impossible because i have

classes at 10, 11, and 12

every light in my room is on

but it feels like i'm 

reading in the dark grasping

for the sentences to make sense

to my puzzled brain

i cant even focus on 

black rage in the prison system when

my mind is wrapped around

29919194 things at once and

i really just want to

lock myself in my room 

the rest of the semester and 

read and read and read but

i know no matter how many

300 watt lightbulbs i plug in

i won't be able to see

the words on the pages because

the darkness has blinded me

and i'm choking on my tears