susie wakes up every morning shaking
spiral curls from in front of her eyelashes
stretches and slides out of her sheets ready
to take a shower to start her day but she
can't go anywhere until she lysols each linoleum tile
in the bathroom stall she spends hours slumped over with scrubbing bubbles
sixty times in a slow clockwise motion to ensure
its is safe to soak in
30 times counterclockwise to get rid of the grime
invisible enemies of disease that she cannot see
she wakes up at 9 and doesn't shower until 11:30
she hides her disorder in the stall where no one can see
susie is suffering from OCD
they told her she is a hazard to herself and she's crazy
she is an unproductive nonfunctioning member of society
without her
pills
chris can't shake the countless thoughts in his cerebral
he walks down the street to the beats of several drummers
the beat is so rapid the tempo melts into fluidity
it takes him hours to plan what he will eat for dinner when
one voice is screaming sushi and the other moans for mexican
he doesn't have any friends but he is never lonely in bed
he shares his twin mattress with the 30 voices in his head
its a party every evening and he's a great host
he can't go to sleep until everyone shuts up and leaves
so he spends most of his nights talking back to himself
yelling at himself laughing with himself laughing at himself
gossiping about himself plotting with himself
in a room where he is the only resounding voice
in a world that calls him crazy
schizophrenia has torn his world into two and threes
its 11:30 PM and chris leans over his bed grabs a bottle of water
and pops his
pills
matthew is mad as a motherfucker and
sobbing solemnly at the same time
his mother doesn't get why he's so sad and his
stepfather sits sullenly at the dinner table
as matt pushes the food around his plate
not hungry enough to let it reach his palate his mother
brings up a bad grade in biology and he snaps
he throws his plate against the wall it shatters and splints
like the synapses and neurons in his skull
his serotonin is slowin to a complete halt
he runs to his room with pieces of plates
and slowly slits his wrists until the sight of his pain
dripping on to his bedspread makes him feel alive again
he's a walking corpse at 11:30 PM
his mother is downstairs rifling through her purse
desperate to fill an emergency prescription for his
pills
ashley awakens every morning with anxiety on her breath
she brushes her teeth clean every morning but cant shake the taste
scrubs her tongue in hopes that a fresh palate will make her mind placid
she doesn't know what it feels like to really relax
she spends her summers locked in her room submitting to bad habits
anything to keep herself busy and her mind off her mind
if she sneezes she thinks she has swine flu
if she coughs she's overly concerned about a cold
if she feels nauseous she knows she has pneumonia
her thoughts get carried away like a hot air balloon and take off
like a jet engine she believe it she spazzes she can't breathe
she falls to her knees and her vision tunnels she swears she cant see
her confidence is comatose at 11:30
she shutters and shakes and her mother's heart breaks
as her daughter cries out for help hundreds of miles away
she picks her defeated body off her dorm room floor
prays to God for inner peace before she takes her
pills
they used to lock and throw away the key
for crazy ass women like me who they say lost
a grip on our sanity
but instead they inject and sedate us
write a prescription and medicate us
pluck us like rogue weeds and eradicate us
dissect then re-conjugate us
strip us of our essence to desecrate us
but if i was to shout from the highest mount ain
that i am no different than you now, i wasn't then i'm just
hiding behind a wall of insecurity because of
this label you've placed on them on me
schizophrenic
depressed
OCD
anxiety
but i've been here this whole time and i'll
be here long after you're gone
and while you're still finding your niche
i'll sit here bloom blossom and become a BOSS bitch
you'd pick me up
place me down and say
this woman is obviously mentally ill
someone strap her down
dope her up
and give this crazy bitch her
pills
