17 / 30 : siren.

edit: i wrote this from the hospital waiting room via my blackberry. i couldn't line skip or anything and i like it better in it's original form. these are my thoughts and they were strung together and flying through my head. so here it is.

siren

I didn't expect to spend my friday night suffocating in the sterile silence of the hospital waiting room. And the ride over here in the front seat watching his breathe struggle to fill an oxygen tank had me in tears. This is my brother. This is my blood. And I'd do anything to help him. And when I heard the sirens blare I heaved a sigh relief and we rode together. I looked back and he was still there. I'm in the hospital waiting room surrounded by people bleeding and broken and all I want to do is burst through the triage door and have someone reassure me that he is going to be okay. But the way he looked tonight. I thought he was going to die. I thought he was going to die and it was the scariest thought I ever had. With the music from the Paper Trail CD being performed as the soundtrack of our ambulance ride, I'm not even mad about missing the concert. TI can wait another day.

16 / 30 : waltzing and such.

today was a really fun day. nice weather. good people. greattt dance partner [love u j]

waltzing and such

they say that it takes two to tango

i guess the same goes for waltzing

its hard to be proper 

and act victorianesque when

your dance partner is throwing up a yo

and you're wearing high heeled pumps

but waltzing is easy

when you get the steps down

and you stop thinking about the

1 2 3 counts and you just

dance

so after many attempts

and after i damn near sweated out

my perm jeremy and i got

the hang of the waltz and even

the right turn and we were looking

like professionals. sort of.

but despite the fact that we were

looking ridiculous most of the time

we had fun doing it

and thats the most important part

because in life, i guess

if the person you're dancing with

can't laugh when you mix up your

4 count with the 6

then a dance becomes 

a death march

choose your partners

wisely

15 / 30 : the woes of the black president.

today was a good day, & i had me a great night. sort of.

also: this is poem 15 of 30. half way home!!!!

let's go!

the woes of the black president

i'm not trying to get shot dead

on a balcony like brother martin 

or lay in a pool of blood

in an auditorium in harlem like

malik shabazz and 

i'm not trying to bailout the world

like my president barack 

i just want to do the job

i was elected to do

but oppression from all sides

resistant to change

resistant to the fact that

new leaders mean

new ideas and new beginnings

some people just cant stand that

so they pack their things

and leave

and already i want to

throw the towel in and quit but

im too legit and

im the best man for the job

so 

despite the fact

whether you like it or not

trust that im doing my best

for what its worth

but to get them to trust me

to really really trust me

this little black girl with chocolate skin

i might be more than they

bargained for

and im sure as hell

more than they can handle

14 / 30 : mommy.

today was a good day.

nate marshall: here.

30 30 cypher: here.

mommy

i look pretty much

like my mother

and act like my mother

even though for years

i swear that 

i'd never be want to be

anything like her

but im older now

and if  i ever grew up

to be half the woman

that my mother is

i'd drop to my knees

and thank the Lord

13 / 30 : april showers.

so it's been a few days since i wrote something legit. my mother was in town, my best friend probated, and in general, things have been wild. but here we go :

april showers

today was bipolar

pouring one second

sunny the next

but it seemed like no better time than

the present

to make the past

new again

and no one will ever understand

just exactly when or how

things fell apart but

everyone wants to give

their two cents

and if i sat and added up

everyone's two cents

i'd be sporting prada loafers

too

but the fact that its april

and things that were buried

can blossom

not into the same flower

but something like it

gives me hope

that this extended metaphor

for this unfortunate circumstance

too

could eventually bloom

12 / 30 : pageants.

happy easter!

im exhausted.

amd it's my personal decision to not write a poem today.

the most beautiful words,

He has risen,

have already been written.

back tomorow.

xoxo

11 / 30 : my best friend's probate.

so great news:

my best friend angelica crossed the burning sandz into Delta Sigma Theta land!!!!!!!!!!

so my poem for today is:

i have my best friend back.

she is a delta.

she is a diva.

she is amazing.

now back to my life enjoying my bestie.

:)