auto-pilot.

a funny thing happens during exam week. mere mortals turn into mutants with the ability to stay up 36 hours straight, surviving only on hot chocolate and milky way bars. for an A, people will stay up all nite, in the most uncomfortable and compromising positions. some people will lie. some people will steal. some people will wear a green sweatshirt with orange leggings. all are crimes, all are against the law, but for some reason, during exam week, the game changes.

so last night/this morning, i had to have looked like i was strung out on drugs. slurred speech. walking with a limp. memory impairment. vision blurred. sprawled out on the floor taking naps. there was no way in hell i was going to let PSCI 204 beat me.

my exam started at 9 am. no real sleep in 36 hours. i get my exam booklet. multiple choice: difficult but not unbearable. id questions: straight. short answers: my head gets heavy. i start writing unintelligble things "frederick douglass went to a party last night". the next thing i know, my professor is tapping me on the shoulder, waking me up.

i go to the bathroom. throw water on my already horrific looking face. bounce around. stretch. do old cheer routines. anything to get me back in the game.

i come back in to the lecture hall. knock the essay out the park. A.

come back to my room. go to bed at 11 am. wake up at 3 pm. cannot go back to sleep. cannot figure out WHY i cannot go back to sleep. my body is on auto-pilot and i can't turn this shit off.

him [the phone call].

i didn't realize until last night
when i found myself stuck, sad
and needing advice
he was the first person i called

and although i've known him for
little more than a season or so
i feel like i can trust him
with almost everything

and my friends think he's sketchy
and won't be along for the ride when
it gets rough but he's proven to me
that he's down

back then when i first met him
i would have died if you told me that
now my days feel a little uneven
if i haven't heard from him

is he only in my life
for a season or two, i can't say
all that matters now is when i call
he always picks up

the rain.

as usual, i'm improperly dressed
for inclimate weather but today
legit caught me off guard and
when it rained, it poured

although half of my perm
is seeping in the earth somewhere
between towers 2 and wilson hall
i felt cleansed like my paster
dipped me back those years ago
and i came up sputtering
and brand new

others around me were walking
briskly trying to get to where the
had to go as quickly as possible
dodging raindrops like bullets but
the little chocolate girl
sans umbrella was walking
slow and steady
savoring the aroma

inspiration.

every time i find myself in central library
which isn't often
i always pass this old photograph that makes me
want to press on

two black men, after graduation
peabody lawn
in the 1950's
surrounded by their mothers
and sisters wearing box hats
and frilled dresses

and it makes me think
that if they can do it
during the worst of times
i should be able
in the best of times

and every time i walk past that photo
general logic seems a little less
difficult

my brother and me.

the blood in our veins are from
two sets of people who have never
met but he is my brother as much
as the grass is green and the sky
is blue and the sun rises in the east
and sets in the west.

and lately our bond has gotten us
into trouble, sitting in chairs waiting
for the man to beat us down until
chocolate colored pulp but
we beat the case because its not
in our DNA to lose. it's true.


and as much as i enjoy playing him
teasing him and sometimes straight up
disrespecting him no one
no one can do that but me because
that's my little brother.

cause when his swag is off i'll let him know
and when he's being wack i'll tell him and
if the outfit is poppin i'll give him props but
if the gear is wack i'll tell him that too and
i expect the same from him even when
i dont want to hear it but we're family so
we say whatever we feel.

and late at night its nothing for me
to sit on his bed, mean comfortable and chill
or him to be in my room with his pajamas on
because we talk about what's good
what's not
and what we can do to make this better and
even if it's at 7 am he calls me about some bullshit
or if i'm calling him 9 am the morning after a party
it's cool.

and i dont think we particularly
look alike or sound the same but
anyone who knows us knows that
we're not just cool
we're family