somebody.

sometimes i wish

that i could meet

that somebody

who would save me

take me away

from this place 

and lead me 

to happiness.

wherever that may be.

and then i wake up

from delusion and

i realize that the only

person who can

get me to where

i want to be 

is me.

and i know

i don't believe in

a man turned messiah

to take me in his arms

wipe my problems

and my tears away

and every man

i have ever met has

let me fall

let me slip

let me down

at some point or another

so somebody,

whomever you are,

wherever you might be

if you're out there

take your time.

i'm still working on

me

text messages.

so it's another night
of me texting you
and you texting me
back within seconds and
i laugh out loud because
you're silly and
you're clever and
you're cute.

but every time i press send
i feel like
i'm jumping
in the deep end of a pool
and i can't swim
i feel like
i'm running a race but
you won't let me win so
what's the point.

and i know that
you're different than
alot of the rest but
that's how they all
are until
they you get to know
them

but despite
the odds stacked up
against me
and the bricks you've
lain as this fortress
to keep me out
i still love it when i see
on my phone
new message
followed by
your name
again and
again and
again

21 on the 22nd.

it's 12:22 am
on 12.22.08
and i'm
officially
21.

the only thing
really left to do
is get on my knees
and say
amen

tis the season to be hating.

i really don't understand
why all of a sudden
the past few months or so
my honesty box
[which i am realizing i should just destroy]
has been full of
ridiculously hateful messages
from petty females
calling me anything but
a child of God

and it's odd because this year
i'm so hard to find, seriously.
i'm on my waldo ish so to come at me
and tell me about myself
ESPECIALLY if you're a sophomore
or lord forbid, a freshman,
do you really know me?

at first it made me upset
almost to the point of tears but
this isn't sophomore year, round 2
i will be 21 in 24 hours
and i can't help
that i'm on these little girls' minds
like it's my job.

actually, it is my job. not to
make anyone feel threatened but to
let my light shine and be
the most absolutely amazing ashley rhae
that God will allow me to be and
if you feel that my light
is shining brighter than yours,
instead of hating and trying to extinguish
mine,
sit back and take notes.