a message to whom it may concern. sincerely, ashley rhae

to whom it may concern,
this is the last little bit of me
that hasn't been torn away
from the vultures and scavengers
ravaging off my glory

to whom it may concern,
i never gave up on you.
and you'll never know
how much it still hurts when
we walk past each other after
you held me that night when
i sobbed
and i put your weight on my shoulders
and watched over you and
you'll never know how i still
pray for you and hope
that this year has been one big nightmare
and one day i'll wake up from 
the deepest sleep to the sound
of a ridiculous text message from you
but i'm wide awake
and
my heart's still broken
and even though you refuse to say
that you pushed me away
because we became too close
we both know that's the truth
and that's what hurts the most
and still
there are times when something
reminds me of you and i wanna
press your number 
that i still have on speed dial
hoping in vain that one day we'll fall back
in place but i never make that call
and i think i never will
because sometimes when something dies
it's best to let it rest in piece
even though you left me in pieces
and i know you'd rather die than say
you feel the same way

to whom it may concern,
you came in on a gust of wind and 
took my breath away with
the way you talked and even though
your aura had a hint of nerd i 
saw swag and thought the world of you
and when things fell apart
between us and i know that
i can't blame you for everything
you still stayed around to make sure
that i was okay and 
i'll always respect you for that
and i don't hear your ringtone as much
as i used to
and admittingly
as much as i like to
every time i see you i still wonder
how it would be if
i was your girl
but even if that day never comes
i'm perfectly content on watching you
evolve into a hell of a man
from a distance
just know that i'll always be
your biggest fan


to whom it may concern, 
i spent so much time
watching you in terrified awe
of your entire demeanor and 
even though i thought you were 
a complete bitch i wanted to grow up
to be just like you 
in every aspect
so when you took me under your wing
and invested time in my little
sophomore year problems i was
flattered and excited to have
a big sister figure doing big things
and while i admired you
everyone kept telling me that you were
as petty as you were pretty but i 
defended you time and time again
until a phone call 
turned you from a saint to a sinner
in minutes as acid poured from your tongue
into my unassuming ears 
when you told me that i 
would never belong and 
after i hung up the phone i didn't cry
because of what you said but the fact
that you thought so little of me
all along


to whom it may concern, 
when you came to me on a 
cold january night i never thought
you'd be a guest star in so many
of my dreams night after night
and i never thought that i could
get over the superficial and 
what everyone would say but
your heart im sure is bigger than most
and you did what
the rest of them were either too scared
too uninterested or
too uninvested to do 
you listened to me 
and cared about me
despite the fact that i know that im
a work in progress
and when i look into your eyes
i get lost and when you smile
i get butterflies sometimes and when
you sleep sometimes i watch you
and wonder why He made our paths cross
but i won't question a blessing
and even though, baby, i'm messing
up all the time
work with me

to whom it may concern,
i know that was you
who left the most hateful message
in my honesty box that i have ever received
and i know you can't read this because
i blocked your bitch ass but
i have to thank you for reassuring me
during a time that i was wondering
what my purpose on this campus is
so, sweetie you helped me realized
that i'm around to make people like you
want to step their game up and
spend hours on dictionary.com trying to make sure
the hate mail they send me is in proper english
and spend all their paycheck trying to 
style on me even though you don't come close
and waste hours on facebook looking through
my albums trying in vain to find a picture of me
slipping up
so to you, ma'am, i'll never speak a word
yet i can't help but smile smugly when you
walk by
but your message i heard
loud and clear 
and in response to your question
which i never got around to answering back then
yes, i am the shit
ask around
if you need references

to whom it may concern, 
although a year ago i barely
knew you and i still don't
extremely well you have this incredible
warmth that radiates from your soul
and anytime i'm in trouble
or have a moment of doubt
i can call you or text you and 
you'll offer your time or
a hug or 
reassurance and 
i'm convinced that you 
don't have a bad bone in your body.
i know that you're my 'auntie' by default
but you've become family to me 
as time wears on and 
some days i wish that other people
on this campus
in this world
had half the heart that you do
but until they do
i appreciate you for everything
and every way you have reached out to me
and i hope
that i can only be as good of a person
as you are 
some day

to whom it may concern,
it would be a lie to say that
im content with where we stand right now
and im upset that
i spent the entire school year
defending your character
to people who tried to defame it
and i spent last year concealing my hurt
so that you could get your glory
but i cant lie to myself
and to anyone else and say
that you're as good as gold and
an angel you don't know
that i know 
all of the petty things
that you have done to others
that you have said about others 
because you think
for some reason you are better than them
better than me.
but instead of shouting to the world
all the ways that you fall short of 
being a genuinely warm person and
exposing the person behind the mask
i feel that i don't need to because
you know that you can't fight
the monster you've been molded to become
so i'll sit here in silence and pray to God
to take it easy on you when it's time to 
learn the lessons you missed
when you were off being a bitch
because He knows
you know not what you've done

to whom it may concern,
to whom it may not concern,
for everything you've done
be it good or bad
be it right or wrong
thank you.