the porcelain doll
my deepest fear is never being beautiful in your eyes.
and i feel at this point, that will never happen.
i've stripped myself raw. i am naked. i am here. look. my pores are open and exposed and my lips are parted. suckling each breath in with relish.
i want to be new in your eyes. i'm unwrapped and unraveled and empty. fill me up. make me whole. put a bow on my head, wind me up, and watch me go. i'll dance for you. i'll dance as long as you want me to. as long as you place me on your trophy case and polish every inch of me.
i put my makeup on in the morning and scrub my face clean at night. i lay in my bed in the perfect position to reach your phone when you text me. you always do. i never miss them. you have your own ringtone. my heart skips a beat every time i hear it. i pick up the phone with an undeniable sex appeal as if you could see me. passion oozes from my fingertips as i respond back. and i wont move a pretty little muscle until i hear you vibrate me back to life with a response.
forever is a fraud, so let's just get comfortable tonight.
i take pictures of myself and i send them to you, via the mail. i take them in black in white so that even my flaws look artistically intentional. i love to lick the back of the stamps. a part of me travels the US postal service. so when you get the photos, you get more than you bargained for. how much do stamps cost? do you want to taste?
i wear my sunglasses to sleep sometimes. on purpose. hater blockers. the sun hates on me, every day, around 7 am. it gets old. i'd rather lay in bed and listen to the vibrato of the house shake due to midday traffic. i am a useless disaster and i wake up like i'm a rockstar.
i read books upside down in my old rocking chair.
when i'm lonely, i have no problem playing solitaire. which may be the loneliest game of all time. after i win, and all the decks fade into oblivion, it takes me a second to answer the question that pops up in the grey box. Play Again? Play again? if i play again, and i lose, what will become of the game? the cards remain out of order and the game remains unfinished and unorganized. then i let 52 cards down and i can't let that happen on my watch.
if you loved me, would you really tell me?
or would you let me wither like a dying rose at the end of july in 100 degree weather. starving for a drop of sugar water or anything to sustain me. my pain is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. it turns you on. it makes you feel like you're alive. you'd rather let me die to get your high. you walk away. it's july. im wilting and waiting and you are walking away.
my legs are broken. my strings are sturdy. wind me up and watch me dance. wipe the tears from my lifeless face. i don't want to ruin my makeup. i'm your porcelain doll and im broken. so broken. but you think im more beautiful that way.
but porcelain doesnt just break. it shatters. like the pigments of a spectrum. i taste like red, and i smell like green. swallow me whole. your insides bleed. the residue will never do. lick your lips and look for more. i'm in pieces on the floor. i'm crying shades of blue. pick up my strings. kiss away the tears. this doll was made for you.
will i ever be beautiful in your eyes?
and i feel at this point, that will never happen.
i've stripped myself raw. i am naked. i am here. look. my pores are open and exposed and my lips are parted. suckling each breath in with relish.
i want to be new in your eyes. i'm unwrapped and unraveled and empty. fill me up. make me whole. put a bow on my head, wind me up, and watch me go. i'll dance for you. i'll dance as long as you want me to. as long as you place me on your trophy case and polish every inch of me.
i put my makeup on in the morning and scrub my face clean at night. i lay in my bed in the perfect position to reach your phone when you text me. you always do. i never miss them. you have your own ringtone. my heart skips a beat every time i hear it. i pick up the phone with an undeniable sex appeal as if you could see me. passion oozes from my fingertips as i respond back. and i wont move a pretty little muscle until i hear you vibrate me back to life with a response.
forever is a fraud, so let's just get comfortable tonight.
i take pictures of myself and i send them to you, via the mail. i take them in black in white so that even my flaws look artistically intentional. i love to lick the back of the stamps. a part of me travels the US postal service. so when you get the photos, you get more than you bargained for. how much do stamps cost? do you want to taste?
i wear my sunglasses to sleep sometimes. on purpose. hater blockers. the sun hates on me, every day, around 7 am. it gets old. i'd rather lay in bed and listen to the vibrato of the house shake due to midday traffic. i am a useless disaster and i wake up like i'm a rockstar.
i read books upside down in my old rocking chair.
when i'm lonely, i have no problem playing solitaire. which may be the loneliest game of all time. after i win, and all the decks fade into oblivion, it takes me a second to answer the question that pops up in the grey box. Play Again? Play again? if i play again, and i lose, what will become of the game? the cards remain out of order and the game remains unfinished and unorganized. then i let 52 cards down and i can't let that happen on my watch.
if you loved me, would you really tell me?
or would you let me wither like a dying rose at the end of july in 100 degree weather. starving for a drop of sugar water or anything to sustain me. my pain is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. it turns you on. it makes you feel like you're alive. you'd rather let me die to get your high. you walk away. it's july. im wilting and waiting and you are walking away.
my legs are broken. my strings are sturdy. wind me up and watch me dance. wipe the tears from my lifeless face. i don't want to ruin my makeup. i'm your porcelain doll and im broken. so broken. but you think im more beautiful that way.
but porcelain doesnt just break. it shatters. like the pigments of a spectrum. i taste like red, and i smell like green. swallow me whole. your insides bleed. the residue will never do. lick your lips and look for more. i'm in pieces on the floor. i'm crying shades of blue. pick up my strings. kiss away the tears. this doll was made for you.
will i ever be beautiful in your eyes?
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